Pta Participant Gifts

'This man has some sort of complaint about the pie his wife bought at the PTA bake sale, sir.'

'It's from the Security Council of the PTA!'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

'Yes, that person there...'

'Life can be tough, Peel.' - 'Yes.' - 'But you have to stay positive.' - 'Yes' - 'You have to keep telling yourself, 'This loser is funding my holiday to Hawaii.' - 'Yes.'

"Your wife's on the phone...."

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

He was the kind of boss who evoked extreme emotions.

'Jason and the Argosnaughts.'

'He's behind you!'

Life can be beautiful, Al. But for you, the fly in the ointment is your self-loathing. So, my question to you is, what's the fly doing in the ointment? The backstroke!

'Can you Type?'

'Frankly, I don't remember why I called this meeting.'

Pallbearers sitting around radio: 'This just in! Tributes are pouring in for the legendary tenor Pavarotti, who passed away earlier today....'

'My goodness, is it fall already, Ms. Smyrka?'

"...Apparently we're responsible for snow removal on that stretch of highway we adopted."

'What's this 'H' file?'

"Some pilates classes would really loosen you up."

'Hello, Mrs. Horton? Could you please stop by school this afternoon?'

"I believe a healthy employee is a productive employee. So from now when you get me coffee, I'd like you to run."

'Lower.No,lower. A way lower. - Under the arms.Under the arms! Around his chest! OK listen...- Do you want to learn the Heimlich manoeuvre or not?!!!'

"Do you realize that the only change we have had, in this school, is in our school telephone number?"

'How's the school board meeting going?'

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

Alcoholics Eponymous

Employee receiving compensation

'Will He know what this is regarding?'

Man receiving a fax

'Welcome to sex addicts anonymous. It appears that we are missing a chair so who would like me to sit on their lap?'

'They're just feelings. You don't have to act on them. There's no reason to have stage fright.'

"Hi, I’m David and I’m here because I like to introduce myself to other people."