Psychology Geeks Gifts

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

'Look, you can only do so much!'

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

Banana Split Personality

Pavlov's Puppy

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

'I screwed up royally!'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'

The Thinker. The Listener

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

Roger feels that there are only two inante instincts in men and women. One is satisfaction of biological needs...the other is self-actualization.

'Of course I'm paranoid and delusional, dummy! -- I was abducted by aliens, for crying out loud!'

Healthy Patients Only

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."