Psychologists Gifts

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

Rorschach's parents

Four Types of Test-Takers...

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

Fear of success support group.

'I have excellence fatigue.'

I'll bark, and you bark the first thing that comes to mine.'

Anger management class

'I'm being denied access to the Warren Buffett within me.'

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

'The voices in my head are saying that you're overcharging me.'

'Not only will it help him concentrate, but recent studies have shown that students who take Ritalin are 40 less likely to do drugs.'

'Ignore me, it's just my nut allergy.'

Interdisciplinary studies.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Neither MapQuest or Google Earth could give me directions to happiness.'

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life..."

'And how old were you when your mother first called you a scaredy cat.'

'Maybe the Oboe wasn't the best choice for a hoedown.'

"Whenever I open up, I get dumped on."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"My congressman is corrupt....who can I trust, doc?"

"When I google myself, the only thing that comes up is my arrest record."

Amnesiacs Convention.

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

'I'm scared that there's a fat woman outside of me trying to get in.'

Recovery

'Don't worry -- I'll soon knock that paranoia out of you!'

Dog at psychiatrists "Your suffering from castration envy"

Counselling Cash.

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am Batman."

'I wish there was someone here who could insult me and give me hope at the same time!'

Santa Therapist