Psychologist Gifts

"Lassie! Get help!!"

"Well, I think you're wonderful."

"Could we up the dosage? I still have feelings."

"You're too self-critical."

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

"And did that make you feel like a little bitch?"

'Whenever I walk in a room,everyone ignores me.'

"Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

"Meow."

"I'm a social scientist, Michael. That means I can't explain electricity or anything like that, but if you ever want to know about people I'm your man."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"No, a fear of snakes is not unusual, but in your case..."

"O.K., just one more and then I've got to get on with my life."

"Actually, these aren't bad times to be delusional."

'And if you ever did catch your tail, are you sure it would make you happy?'

"Perhaps we're overthinking the situation."

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'I gotta go - we're discussing my compulsive communicatoins disorder.'

This is your brain on cartoons

'We like to bring together people from radically different fields and wait for the friction to produce heat, light and magic. Sometimes it takes a while.'

"Look, making you happy is out of the question, but I can give you a compelling narrative for your misery."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

Cartooning for Psychopaths.

"And what do you think will happen if you do get on the couch?"

"Looking good!"

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Have you tried taking long walks?"

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

'The tune in my head keeps interfering with the song in my heart.'

"You can accomplish anything, if you don't put your mind to it."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Do you mind if I interrupt your train of thought with my stream of consciousness?"