Pseudonym Player Gifts

'The big book is for the 'Smiths'...'

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

My Spam Sketchbook

Are you aware...Professional soccer players who fake fouls with pretend injuries are eligible for a soccer oscar!

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

"Jonathan! I've told you not to put your space toys in the freezer and pretend they're on the ice planet!"

'Don't bite it. I have to check Daddy next.'

'AQ popgun? I want a field model Browning pump chambered for the 3-inch magnum load.'

"Take a pill in the morning, in the afternoon and at night."

"I'm playing "Explorer" and looking for the Elephant Cemetery: there should be really big bones there!"

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

'Let's play business. I'll be the chairman of the board and you'll work for me and laugh whenever I tell a joke.'

'It's my pseudonym.'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

The horses are off and "Movie Star" take the lead. Here comes "Freight Train" on the rail. Around the bend and down the stretch "Yoge Pose" takes the lead. It might be "Short Circuit" at the wire. No! The winner is "Selfie" in a photo finish!

Girl trying to be a woman

Owl

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

'Let's play alternative health provider.'

'I'm not Sandy. I thought you were Sandy.'

"I don't think so, Ted!"

"Sorry, I don't work here."

"I actually prefer Richard..."

Menu. You should know that Attila doesn't like to be called "Hon."

Desperate Househusbands

'It's not a great start to his cartooning career...he's got creative block about what to call himself.'

'No, I can't be the horse, YOU have to be the horse!'

"I don't think air guitar counts."

'... and then Peter was Mr. McGregor...'

Sale: Air guitar. As new.

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.