Protestant Studies Gifts

John Calvin

'Yes, all at once!'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

'Well if you don't want the apple, can I tempt you with this?'

'Did you keep a back up in the cloud?'

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

I defend to the death your right to say things I agree with.

'The store was out of bread, so instead I bought bagels.'

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

'It's just a phase they're going through.'

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

John Calvin

Take two tablets and call me in the morning.

John Wycliffe

'These don't apply ex post facto, do they?'

'Quit calling it an OMG-story, Larry. As I recall, I was the one who got them evicted from Paradise.'

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"No threesomes."

'Forty years wandering in the desert? -- but my legs have already begun to go!'

Mounted Devil

'You never let us do ANYTHING!'

"It's Judas. . . 5 units. . . he's exceeded his daily alcohol allowance!"

Today's Sermon: If you're unhappy with government intervention, try divine intervention.

"Great idea. . . but how do we go about converting everybody to Judaism?"

Dinosaur extinction

'Excuse me - I think you're in my seat.'

Menno Simons (Mennonism)

John Knox

'Okay, but I think I'll need enforcers.'