Prospectus Ponderer Gifts

"Actually, investing can be very relaxing. Ever try to stay awake reading a prospectus?"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Totalitarian Humour

'Marry me, and make me the happiest man in the world.' 'You want BOTH?!'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I say we try it.'

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

"I'll have dessert first."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

Fortune teller sees impending doom

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

The End is Near.

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

Dorothy finds the Yellow brick road is now a 6-lane expressway.

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

A self-filling prophecy.

'I proved that when you start to count your blessings, you find that they're infinite.'

'Dang, that reminds me...I've gotta get back and post an entry on my blog.'

Anticipated Sales - "Now at this point reality intruded."

'And that's your idea of a desk calendar...'