Props T-Shirts

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"It's Cinderella?!?"

The Speculators

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

UP Again: Housing Prices.

"Anything in Mr, Rogers' neighborhood?"

For Sale By Owner

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

"He's very finicky."

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

Another thing is that it's really cool in the summer!

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

"I told you he was a motivated seller.

Mr. & Mrs. Putty get dream home.

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

"That's way out of my price range..."