Properties T-Shirts

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

An exaggeration of estate agents

Mouse real estate!

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

"I see no problems. We can get lots more of these houses in.."

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'It will cost more, but I suggest building from scratch instead of a gingerbread mix.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

The Speculators

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Homeless count.

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'