Proportion Perfectionist Gifts

A natural ratio, all too often dismissed by humankind

"Your trouble is that you always lose your sense of proportion!"

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Build Your Own Portfolio

Bullseye!

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"

Lessons from the Blakely Art School (Now Defunct)

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'Hey, Birdbrain, does the word ozone mean anything to you?'

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio.'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

Penalty

Investments: Getting In Touch With Your Inner Greed

'You know your problem, Mr Hanes? Your stock portfolio is too full of companies that run like the government.'

"Page 33, line 4..."

Impasse in the corridor of the National Society of Common Courtesy.

'Oh Cynthia, I must tell you. I just found the cutest little mutual fund...'