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"Shhhh. 3-bedroom, 2-bath ranch, attached garage, good schools...dead ahead."

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

"It has tremendous possibilities."

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"

"The seller is highly unmotivated."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

Reverse Mortgage.

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Starter Homes

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

Repossessions

"Obviously the price of this property is a reflection of it`s very desirable location."

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

'I need to get a bigger place.'

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

"To be honest, we were thinking of something like a Cape Cod."

Man with head in ground: 'I'm not burying my head in the sand, I'm doing the coal mining search myself.'

Little Investment on the Praire

'I won't lie, it can get windy here.'

"I'm looking for a house near the park."