Property Market Troubleshooter Gifts

Spiro and Pusho selling a house that sits under the shadow of precariously placed boulder.

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

Starter Homes

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

"Obviously the price of this property is a reflection of it`s very desirable location."

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"To be honest, we were thinking of something like a Cape Cod."

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"

"It has tremendous possibilities."

"So, how's that 'Tiny House living' working for you so far?"

'I won't lie, it can get windy here.'

'With so many children, I can't afford to live in a choo anymore.'

Today's dream house is nothing if not a fantasy.

"Did I mention it needed a little work?"

'Being afraid to buy a house doesn't make you homeophobic.'

Estate Agent: Houses with Hedge....Houses Without Hedge

"We're sitting on a landbank that could accommodate tens of thousands of new homes. We can wait a few years and generate even more profit..."

"You're going to love the 360 degree views with this one."

Estate Agents.

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'I'm sure a little baking soda will freshen it up in here.'

'This is about all we have in your price range!'

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

"In today's market, this little gem with a view won't last long."

"Hmmm, didn't I mention it before? Yes, this property neighbours a cat sanctuary..."

"I'm afraid the discovery of oil on your property will drive the price of your home down."

Whatever you're thinking of buying, we promise to make you feel slightly inferior.