Property Market Pundit T-Shirts

"If this is a bit beyond your budget then I've got a shoebox coming available next week!"

Mortgage Broker - 'I can't foresee any problems with your loan, Mr Davis.'

'We need a bigger cloud.'

Heavily Mortgaged and Mildly Peckish

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

House hunting is cruel.

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

Shoe house.

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

Real Estate Crispy Flakes: Location/Location/ Location

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

"We're sitting on a landbank that could accommodate tens of thousands of new homes. We can wait a few years and generate even more profit..."

'Look, they're slowing down.'

Real Estate Life

Affordable housing

"I've just been gazumped!"