Property Market Pundit Pillows

"If this is a bit beyond your budget then I've got a shoebox coming available next week!"

Mortgage Broker - 'I can't foresee any problems with your loan, Mr Davis.'

'We need a bigger cloud.'

Heavily Mortgaged and Mildly Peckish

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

House hunting is cruel.

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

Shoe house.

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

Real Estate Life

"I've just been gazumped!"

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

"We're sitting on a landbank that could accommodate tens of thousands of new homes. We can wait a few years and generate even more profit..."

Affordable housing

Real Estate Crispy Flakes: Location/Location/ Location

'Look, they're slowing down.'

'We finally got a response to our House For Sale sign. The wind blew it down.'

"Those days of being able to sell any old c**p have long gone!"