Property Consultant Gifts

'No, it's not your dream house. It's your wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee house.'

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

Estate Agents

"You can replace the tank, switch to natural gas, or huddle in a corner and cry as you ask yourself why you ever thought buying a house was a good idea."

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

Box sold: 'I told you the property market was improving.'

'The best feature is that it's zoned for a home business in case you lose your job.'

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

"I see you've security marked your property."

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

"Look, son, real estate."

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

Reverse Mortgage.

"I rented out the basement."

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

"It's a mixed-use facility: retail space, low-rent housing, luxury apartments, and an area set aside for making steel."