Promotional Paradox Lovers Gifts

'Applicant wacked out, suggest immediate promotion.'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

The Meaning of Life

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

Grenadiers

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

Man overloaded with samples

"Eighty percent polyester."

Right Against Right.

Zeno Gives Directions

Woman says treadmill reminds her of her life.

Moses with the Ten Commandments on a Ski Lift

The new normal.

'The doctor told me to get away for a while..Where I live, in the country, it's just too quiet for me, so I've come here for a vacation.'

'Say that again and you're a dead man!'

The City that Never Sleeps.

National Paradox Foundation: We're closed come in.

'I know one never knows, but I don't know how one knows that.'

Fastest slowest animal

'Making these snacks low-fat was great because substituting sweetener for fat made them even more addictive.'

Smoking in the Paradise.

'National Public Television now presents 'Monday Night Chess'!'

Lacking a basic understanding of plot and humour, Alan Turing was really confused when Temptation and Consciouence stood on the wrong shoulder.

'I'm afraid you're a hypochondriac Mr Jenkins... but luckily we have a pill for that!'