Project Abandoner Pillows

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

World Tour.

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"Draw your own path."

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'Arf! Arf!'

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

Can I have a look at the map?

"His father came from a family of climbers."

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

"Hel-l-l-o-o-o-o Summer!"

"On the bright side, Dear, your jump looked great right up until the landing!"

'Sometimes I wish I had never sold my camels!'

Remember to lash from the outside!

The Cashless Society is Here

Selfie of the Golden Hinde

Danger: Falling animals

'You've come a long way with your anger this year. In fact, I feel that you are ready to meet a special friend of mine...'

Lost

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

'I put Wilson on your project and last I heard he was all over it!'

'You are here' sign on desert island.

Man digs a hole looking for treasure and ends up falling out the side of a cliff sees a sign: You Are Here.

'Every day son, I feel on top of the World!'

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

'Could you throw me the car keys?'