Project Abandoner Gifts

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

World Tour.

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Draw your own path."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

'Arf! Arf!'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

"Hel-l-l-o-o-o-o Summer!"

Can I have a look at the map?

"His father came from a family of climbers."

"On the bright side, Dear, your jump looked great right up until the landing!"

'Sometimes I wish I had never sold my camels!'

Remember to lash from the outside!

Selfie of the Golden Hinde

Danger: Falling animals

'You've come a long way with your anger this year. In fact, I feel that you are ready to meet a special friend of mine...'

Lost

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

'I put Wilson on your project and last I heard he was all over it!'

'You are here' sign on desert island.

Ahoy

'Every day son, I feel on top of the World!'

'Could you throw me the car keys?'

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

Man digs a hole looking for treasure and ends up falling out the side of a cliff sees a sign: You Are Here.