Programme Manager Gifts

'I'm a project programme manager, and I've come to save your business!'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Hollywood Sign Developers

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

In basket-case.

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

The Computer Bore