Profit-minded Ethicist Gifts

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

"I, too, hate being a greedy bastard, but we have a responsibility to our shareholders."

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

Larry's snout was as clean as a whistle...this made some a little edgy.

Nepotism

Financial Eyesight

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

'Not to toot my own horn, but I'm widely considered to be the spiritual godfather of all the corrupt, arrogant, obscenely overpaid and ultimately disastrous CEOs so prevalent in the past hundred years!'

'You US firms think that money can buy everything...but what price an you put on loyalty, integrity, how could you compensate me for losing my friends?'

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."