Ethical Profiteer Gifts

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

"I suppose it's too late to start testing on animals?"

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

'That's it agreed then - the company's new motto is going to be 'We didn't do anything illegal'.'

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

CEO slumber

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."

"Our founders built this company on a certain set of principles. But since they're all dead and nobody wrote anything down, looks like we're screwed."

'Wait a minute! Our balance sheet is completely fictious, our profit is based on faked numbers and our register of companies entry is pure nonsense? In that case, they can't sue us for tax evasion because we don't exist!'

'They're not our 'profits,' Mike. We like to think of them as the organic by-products of non-toxic capitalism!'

Labor abuse

'Your business plan needs work, I'm not feeling a tingle of moral remorse.'

"Wow, Bill! It sounds like you're developing a real moral streak!"

'Expensive? Yes, but I don't exploit my mother.'