Ethical Performer Gifts

"It's sort of like riding a bicycle. Once you learn how, you never forget."

Ethics exam cheater.

Squeezing the Free Press.

Others will fight for you

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Slavery Reparations

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

"Moulting"

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

A boy who loves cows/burgers