Professions Gifts

The Blue Collar/White Collar Answer

"Get over it, Ted. Not everybody's cut out to be a fireman."

'Nice to meet you. Plumber Greg.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

Others will fight for you

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Imagining a Better World Isn't Really That Hard

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"All I can say is thank goodness for teleconferencing."