Helping Professions Gifts

Imagining a Better World Isn't Really That Hard

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Thank you, Essential Workers

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

'I'm on my way!'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

We'll have to reproduce fast to defeat the antibodies! I get it! Divide and conquer!

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

"This is our new head of conflict resolution."

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'