Home Professional Gifts

'Hi-vis honey I'm home!'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

"By labeling it, I control it."

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

We're putting on a subtraction.

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

Over 50 shades of grey available.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"Hang on- I'm receiving a textured message."

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

Categories are the key to organizing.

"It says it can be assembled by a 5 year old child - pop out and find me one..."

"Here's another can. Try not to step in this one."

"I told you you'd made that cat flap too big."

'That'll be $50 plus $200 to repair the damage you made trying to fix it yourself.'

"I'm a home-tech specialist. Your daughter called us. I'm here to convert her doll house into a smart doll house."

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

Home Maintenance - Decorating.

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

Barking From Home

"Be honest...did you actually get any paint on the living room walls?"

'You did that on purpose!'