Professional Speaker Gifts

'This isn't third grade, Bob. You can speak.'

"To set the proper mood, you will now hear Winston Churchill's immortal 'blood, toil, tears and sweat' speech."

Forward Planning - The key to Success

"A funny thing happened on the way to the office..."

Welcome. National Association of People Padding their Resumes with National Associations. And I think you'll agree, our pointless seminars have some really great titles this year!

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

Aggression Therapy Seminar

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

How to deliver a successful presentation.

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

Presentation skills.

Mark Anthony on Zoom.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

"The success of the guillotine helped it's inventor get ahead...let me rephrase that..."

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

'I wish you would update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

New World Orders

With the company's CEO headed his way, Don frantically tries to remove any bits of food from his teeth.

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

'Well, I suppose it makes a change from powerpoint presentations...'

". . . and in the immortal words of the man on our nameplate, 'In this world, nothing is certain but death.'"

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.