Professional Speaker Pillows

'This isn't third grade, Bob. You can speak.'

"To set the proper mood, you will now hear Winston Churchill's immortal 'blood, toil, tears and sweat' speech."

Forward Planning - The key to Success

"A funny thing happened on the way to the office..."

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

Aggression Therapy Seminar

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

How to deliver a successful presentation.

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

Presentation skills.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'I wish you would update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"The success of the guillotine helped it's inventor get ahead...let me rephrase that..."

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

How to Do Small Talk??!!

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

New World Orders

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

". . . and in the immortal words of the man on our nameplate, 'In this world, nothing is certain but death.'"

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

'Your presentation on the advantages of e-commerce would've been better had it not been for the use of the word 'dude' 183 times.'

"I'm going to be a lawyer so I'll be arguing both sides."

'We're running late and I have much to cover. Can you hold your eight-part question for later?'