Productivity Champions Gifts

Workaholics Anonymous meeting: 'No one showed up. Everyone is working.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Motivation to work

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

Worker ant's To Do list.

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

'We need to have a shake-up!'

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"Some days, no matter how much you procrastinate, work still gets done."

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

Stress

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

"Our open-space office really stimulates information sharing when everyone removes their noise-cancelling headphones."

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

Productivity as a goal

"How flexible are we on the issue of flex time?"

"Don't wait up for me. I'm going to have to put in an all-winter."

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

"Slip some performance enhancing drug into the water. We need more production!"

Swiss Army Desk

Beesy schedule.

'Remember, I'm doing the best you can.'