Produce Pundit Gifts

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

"Actually son....these are peaches!"

Apples...37 Spinach...43 Peaches...51

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

Quality Control

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

Genetic modification creating plastic from plant cellulose.

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Lemonade - $500 A Glass! 'Yes, my prices high, but how else am I supposed to buy a Boulevart M109R? Certainly not on my allowance.'

'Risky, but I like it!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

Half-Price Haircut and Half-Cut Price Hair.

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Glenn Beck?'

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I neglected to talk over you."

"As a cost-cutting measure, for our fall list we have decided to bypass traditional bookstore sales and subsequent remaindering, and instead go directly to the shredder."

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"I wouldn't mind, but I only topped the bloomin' thing up last week!"

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble