Procurement Clerk Pillows

"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

Fragile stamper.

Check zombies.

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

Supply Chain

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

How Many It Takes

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

After years of working in an office without a door, Doug was moved to a door without an office.

A Lady Out Shopping.

Cat and INOUT boxes.

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."