Procurement Enthusiast Pillows

Supplier Competition

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

Invisible clothes

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

Supply Chain

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

'There's a gentleman out here with $643 million. He would like to discuss a takeover.'

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

How Many It Takes

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

"Harris, I want you to buy up anything that has 'dot com' in their title."

'I don't know about this new computer inventory system. It just ordered a thousand left handed four fingered surgical gloves.'

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

'You bought it - you can lie in it!'

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

"Aren't you the old guy in purchasing whose decades of slavish devotion inspired us to replace you with a small army of sycophants?"

"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Karen was delighted that both her large and small suppliers had turned up for her industry day

'Enough EBAY already!'

'In conclusion, the supplier who can repeat this phrase fastest with least mistakes wins the catering contract...'

'It sold for how much!'

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

"I have been inputting garbage into my systems for 12 months, why is this spend analysis GARBAGE?!"

"So we are four days into the new Procurement Act. How are you feeling?"/"I am ok and everything seems to be fine, but I miss the anticipation."

"The memorabilia auction was a huge flop."