Procrastination Conqueror Gifts

'Starting tomorrow, I'm going to stop putting things off.'

No Exercise

"Sure I'd like to play video games with you but first I have to do my homework and study for a test. I'll be over in ten minutes."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

How much for rock-hard abs? $200 for a basic six-pack, includes high-intensity training sessions. Lemme think about it. I'll be here. What's going on? The new year's resolutions are trickling in. You're working as a physical trainer now? I got into resolution outsourcing. What? People pay me to fulfill their resolutions. They vow to get in shape, or stop procrastinating, or be more honest about their feelings. I take on the task and then they check it off their list. I know what you're thinking

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

"Better start moving towards shelter: the weather forecast is for rain this afternoon..."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

'I hate Mondays.'

"I wasn't expecting to be in here for so long."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

"I really start dragon around 3 o'clock."

Travelogue

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'I think it has reached critical mass.'

'I understand you have nothing to do, York.'

We interrupt this program to bring you, Tommy, a message from you teacher. Have you finished your report on frogs?

In, Out, Shake it all about

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."