Processed Food Comedian Pillows

'Your drug tests show no signs of illegal substances, but they do show a huge amount of artificial colorings and preservatives.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Dolphin friendly tuna

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"For drinks or dinner?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"No, it was bad for you last week. This week it's a super food."

"The spaghetti is too al dente!"

'We've done all we can, but these beans... *sunglasses* ...Have expired.'

'Apparently it's not suitable for the elderly or children...'

'How would you like that veggieburger...deep fried in lard, or smothered with bacon bits or salami slices?'

"Good news, the migration has started: The wildebeests are coming!"

Musical Frog

"Chips?! Oh yes, in the old days, we used to have chips almost weekly, but then, his girlfriend moved in."

'Say... this looks like a good place!'

"Do you mind if I don't say cheese, I'm a vegan."

Fat man picking up women in supermarket

"No, obesity doesn't run in my family - it walks."

"I'm trying to eat healthy. Where do you keep the organic donuts?"

Cat Plastic Canvas Decoration Hungry for Bird Plastic Canvas Decoration

"I lost control of the mower and composted most of your garden."

" 40% of the population is overweight...you appear to account for 17% of that figure"

Sausage Machine

"Not yet, one day I expect there will be chocolate covered statin tablets..."

"When I said you needed to give him a more varied diet I DIDN'T just mean all 12 varieties of KRISYSNAX!"

"Okay, remember Wildlife 101. He's probably more scared of me than I am of him."

Ernie, let's clean out the refrigerator. But don't throw this away. I hid my valuable, early-issue coin here. The proof is in the pudding! Help me with the produce drawer. A plum assignment! It looks like these tomatoes have been here for years! They're from my youth, my salad days! Please stop these wisecracks - you've gone too far! I disagree! I can still milk it some more!

Convenience food: '...these days you can get your vegetables this way.'