Processed Food Pundit Pillows

Convenience food: '...these days you can get your vegetables this way.'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'Your drug tests show no signs of illegal substances, but they do show a huge amount of artificial colorings and preservatives.'

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"So here we are...the great outdoors!"

Contaminated eggs? No problem at all!

'Big turnover at center ice! Mmm...looks delicious.'

"Yes, it was a lovely meal wasn't it? I used a marvellous new caterer called 'pest control'."

'Crickets are chock full of carbs!'

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

'Tell us that really scary story again...the one about how they make chicken nuggets!'

'Apparently it's not suitable for the elderly or children...'

Why we always fail.

Gross pig size!

A Mean O' Acid.

'Caution: this tomato soup combines with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas.'

"He works in our processed foods division."

"After this long list of additives it lists the expiration date. Does that pertain to the product of the person who eats it?"

'To her, the four basic food groups are: canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

"Well, there are organs in it, so, yeah, I guess you could say it's 'organic'!"

Bi-Product Hotdogs: 'We know you killed your wife, Yomp! And when we find her body...'

Woman looking at a poster for a new universal diet.

"Ah...the sweet smell of brominated vegetable oil...it takes me right back to my school days!"

'The usual dregs, slops and yesterday's left-overs,please Mary!'

"It says these chicken nuggets are from parts unknown."

New Instant Bacon - Just extract water

"According to the doctor, I'm apparently allergic to artificial coloring and flavoring!"

'It's not pride - I just can't stand all the slurping!'