Processed Food Critics Pillows

'Caution: this tomato soup combines with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

'Your drug tests show no signs of illegal substances, but they do show a huge amount of artificial colorings and preservatives.'

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'There's nothing good to eat!'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

Angry Bulls about to try out their version of Butchering on an unsuspecting Butcher

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"So here we are...the great outdoors!"

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

Fresh Fish

"Apparently we're reared by people who share the values of the people who eat us."

Master Chef

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'Did monsieur enjoy the meal?' - 'I could get more nourishment biting my lip.'

And this is one we made earlier.

"Waiter! There's something in my soup!"

Bar None

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