Processed Food Critics T-Shirts

'Caution: this tomato soup combines with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas.'

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

The Official Covid-19 Diet

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

'Your drug tests show no signs of illegal substances, but they do show a huge amount of artificial colorings and preservatives.'

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'There's nothing good to eat!'

Angry Bulls about to try out their version of Butchering on an unsuspecting Butcher

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"So here we are...the great outdoors!"

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'

Fresh Fish

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

"Apparently we're reared by people who share the values of the people who eat us."

Master Chef

Maybe you would have less of a problem with flies in your soup if you didn't have landing strips attached to your bowls.

And this is one we made earlier.

'Did monsieur enjoy the meal?' - 'I could get more nourishment biting my lip.'

"I'm afraid you can't speak to the Chef at the moment, sir. He's out, buying you a, 'get well soon' card."

"Waiter! There's something in my soup!"