Processed Food Skeptic Pillows

"After this long list of additives it lists the expiration date. Does that pertain to the product of the person who eats it?"

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

Gullib-Os

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Your drug tests show no signs of illegal substances, but they do show a huge amount of artificial colorings and preservatives.'

"I don't usually like green food, but that looks pretty good."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"So here we are...the great outdoors!"

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

'Boy! Did I get some bad news today! I found out french fries is a veg'table!'

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

"If this food is healthy, then what about the rest of the store?"

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

"First the good news, there's no longer any point in you eating broccoli."

Truth in Labeling: 'Snouts, lips, jowls, cheeks and viscera enclosed in intestine and served on a bun, Mustard optional.'

"And who's been eating my genetically modified porridge?"

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 50 calories? False advertising.'

"Sure doc, I can eat healthy tasteless food and exercise until my lungs implode. Or, you can just inject some drain cleaner into my eyeball and save us both a lot of time and trouble."

"Well you did say you wanted something gluten, sugar, fat, additives and calorie free."

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"