Problem Avoiding Experts Gifts

'Who said you can't solve your problems by running?'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

"I'm sure he said to meet him near the cactus."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

If you rotate the corporate ladder by 90 degrees, you end up with monkey bars.

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"I never have a good excuse to be late: The teacher knows my dad wakes me up at dawn..."

An agony of aunts

Greed

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'

'Yes - He's armed.'

Black belts in the ancient art of avoidance

The Ostrich Syndrome: 'Who gets the check?'

"I'm fine. I want you to tell me how to change everyone else."

'We're wavering between 'undecided' and 'no opinion.'

"Sorry boss - can't get in today - I'm snowed in."

"We did absolutely nothing for three whole months. Best summer I ever had!"

"So, how long have you two been in Ghana studying the apes?"

'I did what you advised, then my wife did what your colleague advised!'

'I've been banned from a singles club.'

'When I said to eat a varied diet I didn't just mean buying all 12 varieties of Krispysnax noodles!'

By not taking sides and staying as neutral as possible, Bob was safe – and virtually invisible.

"Yours is an interesting self-diagnosis...."

"Don't worry. I think I have an app for that."

"It's nothing...probably something I just ate for dinner."

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

"A quick internet search stopped me worrying about my aching back...."

Husband who is scared of the doctor celebrates his absence when he is ill.

The Wargfields embark on their Christmas night tradition of camping out at the mall to be the first in line to return gifts.'

'I said... don't touch that dial!'

"I didn't want to come in, but I've spent thousands of hours online diagnosing my neck pain and it just keeps getting worse."