Pro-bono Punster Pillows

'I'm only doing pro-bono cases until I can find some well-paying anti-bono cases.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Hamlet.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'

Surfin' the web.

Timmy Gets Solitary.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Wash and Let My People Go

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies

catholic

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'