Prize Enthusiast Gifts

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

First Prize!

Soccer coach of the year.

"It's this time of day when I feel most lengthened."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

'Oh no its going to be one of those days.'

'Heads we declare bankruptcy, tails we try to buy out a profitable megacorp...'

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

Norman E-Mailer

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"That's excellent, Caroline!"

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

Most Loyal Employee Award

'In a surprise move today, the members of the Nobel Committee awarded all of this year's Nobel Prizes to each other.'

Will Smith's Oscar

Leaving America to chance, the USA being eaten by a die

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'