Prize Aficionado Gifts

'I hear he won the Pulitzer for mathematics. Or was it the Emmy?'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"It's a jungle out there... and I hear you're an expert."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"So what do you do for a living?"

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"Knowing all the weather rock lore doesn't really count toward the weather badge."

"Yeah, I won the Finest Quality Wool award, but it was a tough competition: There were contestants from all over Australia and New Zealand..."

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

'Did you drop this £20 note, Sir?' 'Ooh, YES!' 'That will be a £50 fine.'

A woman bows to the crowd

HornyWood

'I think I've spotted our problem.' (too many consultants)

"Creative, imaginative, and fierce-these are just a few of the words that I'm reading off the teleprompter."

"Bev, send in someone who knows when I'm fishing for compliments."

"And the Oscar for best wardrobe in a film based on a 17th century picaresque novel goes to..."

"How about that! Wanda, you also landed on cheese."

Builders fighting over projects.

'Careful! Don't drink this here grape juice they're servin'. I've had three bottles now, and my head's a spinnin'.'

"I won it for being lice-free."

Having finished writing his latest 400-page novel, Anton Chekhov divides it into 32 short stories,

Crystal ball tells fortune teller: 'He's screwed.'

God save the Queen.

"I would like to thank my owners, my trainer, my jockey, and everyone else in my stable, without whom my victory would not have been possible."

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'For your superb management of hell on earth."

Will Smith's Oscar

Trophy Hunters

'Mario Vargas Llosa'

'Remember...No hexing and driving!'

"I think I should warn you that the flip side of our generous bonus-incentive program is capital punishment."

'They're not just going to GIVE you a Nobel Peace Prize -- you have to FIGHT for it!'

Military officer being weighed down on one side by medals.