Prize Aficionado Pillows

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"It's a jungle out there... and I hear you're an expert."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"Knowing all the weather rock lore doesn't really count toward the weather badge."

"So what do you do for a living?"

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"Yeah, I won the Finest Quality Wool award, but it was a tough competition: There were contestants from all over Australia and New Zealand..."

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

HornyWood

'Did you drop this £20 note, Sir?' 'Ooh, YES!' 'That will be a £50 fine.'

A woman bows to the crowd

'I think I've spotted our problem.' (too many consultants)

"Creative, imaginative, and fierce-these are just a few of the words that I'm reading off the teleprompter."

"How about that! Wanda, you also landed on cheese."

Builders fighting over projects.

'Careful! Don't drink this here grape juice they're servin'. I've had three bottles now, and my head's a spinnin'.'

"Bev, send in someone who knows when I'm fishing for compliments."

"I won it for being lice-free."

Having finished writing his latest 400-page novel, Anton Chekhov divides it into 32 short stories,

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

God save the Queen.

"I would like to thank my owners, my trainer, my jockey, and everyone else in my stable, without whom my victory would not have been possible."

'Remember...No hexing and driving!'

Trophy Hunters

'Mario Vargas Llosa'

Crystal ball tells fortune teller: 'He's screwed.'

'For your superb management of hell on earth."

"I think I should warn you that the flip side of our generous bonus-incentive program is capital punishment."

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3's had been filled out?"

Military officer being weighed down on one side by medals.

Max von Sydow