Private Sector Workers Gifts

'Come on, sir -- we private sector types have to stick together!'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Outer Space Outsourcing

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Quality Control

"I hate performance review season."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Marry me astronaut

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

Why Cows Leave Home

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

Blue Origin

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"Ms. Ray, you're getting a promotion! You're no longer my Gal Friday. You're now my Gal Saturday."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'You're hired, but remember, you can be replaced by a machine...believe me.'

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

There will be no economics report...our economics reporter got caught in the tech carnage...

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

'Why don't you start a small business with a loan from a bank?'

'I hate 'bring your inner child to work day.''