Private Sector Supporter Gifts

'I'm leaving politics for patriotic reasons. Earning more money in the private sector would stimulate the economy.'

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"It was a mom-and-pop, but we inherited it."

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

Business As Usual Bar & Grill: 'How's business? 'Don't ask!'

Mom & Pop General Store - Going Out of Business Slowly But Surely

'We hope to invest in a few start-ups with national franchise potential.'

U.S.Postal Service - Then and Now

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

"Clean your specs, lady?"

"I now only take orders online. Shipping is free, especially since you're my neighbor."

'Let's get one thing straight. I don't want your money, I want your respect.'

'Look at it this way, if you didn't have to pay all that money in tax, you'd go out and spend it anyway.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

'We are from the F.B.L.'

Burn It Down

The Sleep of Reason Produces Bureaucracy

"I've reduced theft by 55%!"

We were curbside before it was cool. Lemonade.

What can I get you? Keep it down, please. Coffee King. For the record, Coffee King is a giant, evil corporation. Your chain is a ubiquitous capitalist death star. You spread conformity, and ruthlessly crush small, independent cafes. But by golly do I love your peppermint hot chocolates! At that point, getting whipped cream on top seems guilt-free. I feel so dirty.

Frank's Butcher Shop. Ernie's Bakery. Starbux Coffee. It hasn't been the same since the candlestick maker went out of business.

"Typical! There's never anything in it for the little people."

If We Did Other Things The Way That We Vote

Send the banker -corrupt major parties a message! DON'T NOT VOTE! VOTE 3rd party!

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

One cappuccino please, and I wanted to give you this. A note. How formal. Dear small local independent coffee house ... I went to Starbucks this morning. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me? What if I agree to purge what I ate? The written apology is sufficient.

Any shohplifters with a social conscience avoids small businesses.

'This is what telemedicine looks like for a small practice like ours.'

'Were the lemons grown locally?'

Small dairy farmers have no future.