Private Healthcare Critic Gifts

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

'Dr. Winslow will be checking your heart. Dr. Briggs will be checking your lungs. And I will be checking your bank account.'

'Kitchen! Chicken Bone! Hurry!!' - Rent-A-Surgeon

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Republican Healthcare

Have you drugged your child today?

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Surgical Self-Service

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'You're suffering from a lack of profit-making opportunities within the NHS.'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'