Prisoner Of Laughs Gifts

"My fifteen minutes of fame came at a very inopportune moment."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner Crossing

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Without thinking Captain Hook uses the wrong hand'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Convict Decor

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'Well, I hope you're a people person -- the prisons are very overcrowded.'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

Customs and Examinations.

"Try and give me... happy."

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

"I cloned a guy in Reno. How 'bout yourself?"

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

'There's a rumour we're all going to be released and forced to join the NFL.'