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'Well, if you ask me mate, I think you want locking up.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack In the Big House

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

"You ever done time?"

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"No ham in this, I hope?"

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

"He says he won't wear a mask."

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

Do you believe in free love?

"I was doing ok before the investigation

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

"For me, a confessions is much too autobiographical."

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

'Did you ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to stay within the law?'

"For you new prisoners here, the warden will only let us use bar graphs on all of our prison data projects."

No caption. (Two jail cell inmates are seen looking at each other. One is a human, one a mouse. There are bars on the cell window and bars shown on the mouse hole).

"I'd like a quick word with you after visiting time."

"I think what I miss most is robbing people."

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

'I'm going to handle your appeal, but remember, I'm on death row.'