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'Well, if you ask me mate, I think you want locking up.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

"I was doing ok before the investigation

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

"He says he won't wear a mask."

Do you believe in free love?

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

'Did you ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to stay within the law?'

"I'd like a quick word with you after visiting time."

"I think what I miss most is robbing people."

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

"For you new prisoners here, the warden will only let us use bar graphs on all of our prison data projects."

"For me, a confessions is much too autobiographical."

'I'm going to handle your appeal, but remember, I'm on death row.'

Sultry Confinement