Prison Reform Debaters Gifts

Paul Pelosi, ex-con

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Skeptic Tank.

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Privatized Jails

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

'Apparently 'executive assistant' is just a fancy term for scapegoat.'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

"I can't say I'm wild about these open prisons."

'Ask the judge if we can put more than two inmates serving life plus 99 years into one cell!'

'Credit Crunch - wassat then?'

Human Rights

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'The trouble with this country is that it is impossible to be completely legal.'

Prisoner speech

Jeremy Bentham

"The funds weren't a mutual as I thought."

A Passage in the Life of Mr. Watkins Tottle

I blame society for putting me here. But mostly I blame metallurgy for keeping me here.

'I'm done doing inside jobs on the outside. I make more on the inside as an outsider artist.'

"When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking"

Black Lives Matter but Maybe Not Their Votes

Solitary refinement.

"My thinking was a little too far outside the box."