Prison Reform Advocates Gifts

'I'm 364720181, but you can just call me 36.'

'It says here you were finance manager for your fellow inmates on cell block 3. This does raise other concerns.'

'Dungeons aren't SUPPOSED to be user-friendly!'

'I was caught cheating on my income tax. The irony of it is that I worked for the IRS.'

'I wish we'd had light touch regulation.'

"Let's just say I was in the right place at the right time in front of the wrong surveillance camera."

"And for sport we've got a spittoon..."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Skeptic Tank.

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Privatized Jails

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

To Get Pardoned by Trump, Become a Celeb

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

'Apparently 'executive assistant' is just a fancy term for scapegoat.'

Human Rights

'The trouble with this country is that it is impossible to be completely legal.'

'Ask the judge if we can put more than two inmates serving life plus 99 years into one cell!'

'Credit Crunch - wassat then?'

Prisoner speech

"I can't say I'm wild about these open prisons."

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

Jeremy Bentham

Solitary refinement.

I blame society for putting me here. But mostly I blame metallurgy for keeping me here.

A Passage in the Life of Mr. Watkins Tottle