Prison Reform Supporter Gifts

"Mostly I miss the freedom from incarceration."

'I don't object to a GBH - But I was thinking more serial killer.'

'We need 2,000 new prison officers. The government is keen to provide employment to ex-offenders. Plus you know the ropes.'

Prisoner with tally marks in his newspaper.

The Other 1%

'First time you've been kenneled?'

'I've discovered I have an aptitude for accounting!'

"The good thing is I've given up smoking since I've been here."

"This is getting serious. They won't release us until we meet their demands to make the prison yard more vibrant."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Skeptic Tank.

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Privatized Jails

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

To Get Pardoned by Trump, Become a Celeb

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

'Apparently 'executive assistant' is just a fancy term for scapegoat.'

'Ask the judge if we can put more than two inmates serving life plus 99 years into one cell!'

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

"I can't say I'm wild about these open prisons."

Prisoner speech

Human Rights

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

'The trouble with this country is that it is impossible to be completely legal.'

'Credit Crunch - wassat then?'

Jeremy Bentham

Solitary refinement.